Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 1, 2009

What Not to Do on a First Date


Story I wrote for no reason at all.

Okay let’s say a guy name James has asked out a girl named Sarah. For the sake of this story she says yes and they have decided to go see the movie Knowing. Now James and Sarah are going to meet at the movies at 7:30 P.M. At 7:15 James is frantically looking around his room for his favorite pair of boxers, hasn’t showered yet and is going to be late for the movies. THIS IS WRONG. Guys are always supposed to be on time if not early to every date. Girls are always late. That’s okay girls are allowed to be late! Guys are not. To get there on time, James decides to just put on some deodorant and skip the shower. This is stupid. Girls like clean men and always, always and I mean always know when a guy isn’t clean. Not like its hard not to. If you don’t take a shower YOU STINK. Get this into your head, no shower = no second date.

So James gets there about a minute late and buys the tickets. Yes, the tickets. The guy always gets his ticket and the girl’s ticket. It’s the law. So, thankfully Sarah is late because she couldn’t decide what to wear. She finally arrives 5 minutes and 32 seconds later wearing a downright ugly shirt. She walks up to James and says “I was in a hurry and just grabbed this shirt. You don’t think it makes me look fat do you?”

Now there are many answers to this question. Does James lie and say no. Or does he say “It’s too ugly for me to rate.” Perhaps James just says yes. Another possibility would be “No, your fat makes you look fat”. There are so many choices for James to choose from. The best one would be “Baby there is no way you could ever be fat. You are too gorgeous for God to let that happen.” But it’s a first date so just stick with “Of course not” and make sure you say it as if it’s impossible for anybody to even think such a thing. So James says “Of course not” which makes Sarah smile.

Now James offers to buy her something from the concessions. By asking this, James has given Sarah the impression that he has money to spare and doesn’t mind spending it on her. Sarah declines the offer to get something and they move on to the theater.

Once they are inside James lets Sarah choose the seat. The guy always, always, always lets the girl walk up the aisle first and choose the seat. No matter what she picks the guy must agree with her. If she chooses a spot where only one person can sit then you might have a problem. So now they are seated and the movie plays. During the movie James reaches over and grabs Sarah’s hand. She allows him to hold it which is a very good sign. Seeing as this is a first date James doesn’t try anything else. Remember guys, always take the first date slow and don’t try anything.

Okay so when the movie ends James and Sarah are completely horrified at how the Knowing ends. In case you haven’t watched this movie, the world blows up in the end and everybody dies. Talk about ridding the world of evil.

So after the movie James walks Sarah back to her car. During the walk James start a conversation with Sarah about how awful the movie was. Sarah replies with her thoughts on the movie with luckily are the same as James and they spend the rest of the walk dissing the movie. Without any problems James succeeds in walking Sarah to her car where he opens the door for her, like the gentleman he is, and says his goodbyes to Sarah. Sarah gets in her car and leaves.

The fact that she didn’t floor it and leave skid marks getting away from James as fast as possible was a very good sign leaving a grin on James face as he walked to his car.

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