Posted by: lifesimpressions | November 30, 2009

Welcome to Lifes Impressions

Hey thanks for coming to my blog. Here, anything goes. Whether its funny, sad, serious or political, I’ll blog about it. Have suggestions? Email me at lifesimpressions@gmx.com or leave a comment on the site! Thanks for reading!

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Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 8, 2009

Weekly Youtube Video: Most Funny Stand Up Comedy Sketch Ever

Well I’m not sure its the funniest, but it sure is one funny video. Check it out!

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 4, 2009

How Fat Are You?

You have to have guts — or no gut whatsoever — to step on the new Withering Wi-Fi Scale.
Because once you do, everyone who follows you on Twitter will know how fat you are, how much you’ve gained since the last time on the scale, and how far you are from your dream weight.

This might be the ultimately dieting device for people who need the threat of public humiliation to get serious about eating right.

The scale also uploads info to your computer and iPhone, and allows you to chart and graph the fluctuations of your weight.

You can even view your body weight in a pie chart, to make up for all the pie you won’t be eating.

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 3, 2009

Weekly Cartoons

This weeks funniest cartoon:


Click

Courtesy of Past Expiry Cartoon

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 3, 2009

Update: New Layout

Well I’ve just set up a new layout. So tell me, what do ya’ll think?

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 3, 2009

Explosm.net

Explosm.net is filled with funny comics and short animations. After looking through a few comics I’ve decided to post my favorite. Here they are:

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 2, 2009

So true

A friend just sent me this picture. Told me this describes me perfectly. Unfortunately, its true.
Me lol

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 2, 2009

Late Night Quotes

Okay so this is a new thing I’ve started. Late night quotes. Every Wednesday I will post funny quotes from some of the best late night shows.

A new study says that dark chocolate eases emotional stress.
Until you try to take it away from you wife.

Jim Barach

Bill Clinton says that when it comes to Healthcare Reform, there is “No perfect Bill”.
To which Hillary said she learned that the day she got married.

Jim Barach

Paris Hilton is working on a new CD.
I believe this one is called, ‘And you thought the first one sucked’

Jay Leno

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 1, 2009

Quotes about the iPhone

These quotes about the iPhone were all stated before the release of the iPhone. Man were they wrong.

Three years ago, when it became clear that Apple (AAPL) was about to unveil some kind of mobile phone, critics began to weigh in on its chances of success. AAPLinvestors’ Terry Gregory, building on a list of skeptical quotes begun by MacDailyNews, has put together what may be the definitive collection.

A sample:

“We’ve learned and struggled for a few years here figuring out how to make a decent phone. PC guys are not going to just figure this out. They’re not going to just walk in.”
Palm CEO Ed Colligan, commenting on then-rumored Apple iPhone, 16 Nov 2006

“Apple is slated to come out with a new phone… And it will largely fail.”
Michael Kanellos, CNET, 7 December 2006

“The only question remaining is if, when the iPod phone fails, it will take the iPod with it.”
Bill Ray, The Register, 26 December 2006

“Apple will likely have a tough time convincing application vendors to build specialized clients for the iPhone until the volumes are there, and the volumes could be limited by the lack of third-party applications – a Catch 22.”
Jack Gold, J. Gold Associates, 10 January 2007

“The iPhone is nothing more than a luxury bauble that will appeal to a few gadget freaks.”
Matthew Lynn, Bloomberg, 15 January 2007

“Five hundred dollars? Fully subsidized, with a plan? It is the most expensive phone in the world and it doesn’t appeal to business customers because it doesn’t have a keyboard which makes it not a very good email machine… So, I, I kinda look at that and I say, well, I like our strategy. I like it a lot.”
Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO, 17 January 2007

I am not sure how it will stand against Sprint’s Wimax (when it successfully launches) and its phones, which I am looking forward much more than over-hyped Apple iPhone.”
Bhaskar Chitraju, Indews Broadcast, 18 January 2007

“iPhone may well become Apple’s next Newton.”
David Haskin, Computerworld, 26 February 2007

“Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone… What Apple risks here is its reputation as a hot company that can do no wrong. If it’s smart it will call the iPhone a ‘reference design’ and pass it to some suckers to build with someone else’s marketing budget. Then it can wash its hands of any marketplace failures… Otherwise I’d advise people to cover their eyes. You are not going to like what you’ll see.”
John C. Dvorak, 28 March 2007

“There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. It’s a $500 subsidized item. They may make a lot of money. But if you actually take a look at the 1.3 billion phones that get sold, I’d prefer to have our software in 60% or 70% or 80% of them, than I would to have 2% or 3%, which is what Apple might get.”
Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO, 30 April 2007

“How do they deal with us?”
Ed Zander, Motorola CEO/Chairman 10 May 2007

“Apple begins selling its revolutionary iPhone this summer and it will mark the end of the string of hits for the company.”
Todd Sullivan, Seeking Alpha, 15 May 2007

“What does the iPhone offer that other cell phones do not already offer, or will offer soon? The answer is not very much… Apple’s stated goal of selling 10 million iPhones by the end of 2008 seems ambitious.”
Laura Goldman, LSG Capital, 21 May 2007

“We Predict the iPhone will bomb. Which means that when the iPhone comes, Digg will likely be full of horror stories from the poor saps who camped out at their local AT&T store, only to find their purchase was buggier than a camp cabin.”
Seth Porges, The Futurist, 7 June 2007

“The forthcoming (June 29) release of the Apple iPhone is going to be a bigger marketing flop than Ishtar and Waterworld combined. Because its designers forgot Platt’s First, Last, and Only Law of User Experience Design (“Know Thy User, for He Is Not Thee”), that product is going to crash in flames. Sell your Apple stock now, while the hype’s still hot. You heard it here first.”
David S. Platt, Suckbusters!, 21 June 2007

“God himself could not design a device that could live up to all the hype that the iPhone has gotten.”
Harvard computer science professor David Platt, 25 June 2007

33 million iPhones, 100,000 apps and 2 billion downloads later……

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 1, 2009

Kissing Banned in Warrington Bank Quay Station

No Kissing

At a British train station, a sign board is up, having the “no kissing” sign to stop lovers going full steam ahead with their over-amorous farewells.

Commuters have been told: if you want to get up to that kind of business, do it in the car park.

The sign starts at the drop-off point at Warrington Bank Quay station in the town of Warrington, between Liverpool and Manchester in northwest England.

A similar sign, this time permitting kissing, has been erected elsewhere in a zone where smooching is considered tolerable. ‘We have not banned kissing in the station,’ said a spokesman for operators Virgin Rail.

‘But we have put the sign up at the drop-off point because it is not a very big area and it often gets busy with lots of traffic. The sign is a light-hearted way of getting people to move on quickly. If people wish to spend a little more time with their loved ones before they leave, then they should park in the short-stay car park nearby.’

The busy station links the town to major cities London, Birmingham, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Liverpool and Manchester

http://www.thaindian.com/

Somehow I doubt that a little kiss is whats causing all this traffic. I can understand the long kisses causing issues but whats wrong with just a little peck? Also in case you didn’t notice, there is no punishment as far as I can tell and I looked all over the place. Any comments?

Posted by: lifesimpressions | December 1, 2009

GM’s Amazing Comeback

Guys just read this:

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly

compared the computer industry with the auto industry and

stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer

industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got

1,000 miles to the gallon”.

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a

press release stating: If GM had developed technology like

Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following

characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a

day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you

would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no

reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road,

close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and

reopen the windows before you could continue. For some

reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn

would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in

which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,

was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive

but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights

would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An

Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before

deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would

lock you out and refuse to let you in until you

simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and

grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have

to learn how to drive all over again because none of the

controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Man I wish I knew where I got this amazing article so I could quote it but unfortunatly I don’t. If anybody knows could they please leave the URL in a comment? Thanks!

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